ako,me n myself

Medication

2010-11-17T06:42:00.000-08:00

My medications are killing me la...its suppose to be make me recover but its making me worst!!!aku takut ni..tiada perubahan pun..macam mane ni. Aku rasa aku semakin sakit ni...dahla aku sering dapat chest pain!!!aku tahu ni pasal BERAT BADAN KU..TAPI AKU DAH SEDAR...aku tengah berusaha utk turun badan...i pergi jumpa doctor hari tu...my blood pressure was high, really high..then the doctor had to check my blood..thank god it wasn't high.I don't wanna die...my friends cousin bro died because he was over weight and he couldn't breath. i dont want that to happen to me. Jesus Christ plz help me recover..don't punish me for my mistakes in the past..i know i can be a better person...i have faith in me. Memang dulu rasa nak mati..sebab sedih sangat dgn masalah yg aku hadapi..seperti nak putus asa je..tapi skang semuanya lain..aku memang sedih tapi aku tahu..memang aku harus berusaha dan aku dah sedar.Aku mahu berubah..demi diri ku sendiri dan demi keluarga ku yg ku sayangi...Tolong aku='[..Aku tak mahu sedih seumur hidup ku..aku tak mahu.

malas nak update blog i...

2010-11-03T19:49:00.000-07:00

tengok ni..dah lama i tak update blog i..dah la laptop pun tak de..dah berbulan-bulan tk de internet kat rumah..menyusahkan je!!!pastu tak de masa nak buat semua ni selain kalau ia penting sangat...nak baca blog orang pun tak de masa so macam mane i nak update blog i..tapi i rindu la..dulu rajin gilo kalau pasal blog ni..mesti update punya.dulu kan banyak story atau benda nak cerita..skang tak de da...yang ade je tu cuma kebosanan terus...adui..tapi tak pe..i akan cuba update blog k..tak boleh janji tapi akan cuba...i nak berterima kasih kat kawan i ni..si alicia yg intro blog kat i..di mana i boleh tulis je ape2 kat sini...p.s MERAMI SALAMAT K..MAHAL MAHAL KITA...amboi2 keluar pilak bahasa tagalog..tak pe dia ni pasti paham i cakap ape..kekekeke'',

It's been a long time...

2010-08-17T12:24:00.000-07:00

Well i'm back again..really didn't have the time to blog.Trying to survive without my laptop..its gone case.No money to repair it... kindda disappointing. Well i guess god did the right thing to take it away from me...guess i can concentrate more on my studies,which i am actually doing....i can see some changes!!!Started buying books to read..which i didn't do in a long time....I'm extremely addicted to Nicholas Sparks books..bought four books in a month...finished three of them.Looks like i'm going to have a collection of it all...i'll get myself a bookshelf just like how my sister has...then i can show my collection of books..at least mum and dad will be a little impress since i was such a pain in the ass.

I loved him....

2010-06-22T04:33:00.000-07:00

The fact is, he is still a jackass...
The truth is I loved him....
its been years now....
when i look back...
i ask myself...were u blind!!!

How stupid could i be? I was actually stupid enough to love him...and all for what?
NOTHING....

='[ ='[ ='[

2010-06-07T02:36:00.000-07:00

When i saw it,my head went blank.I felt this huge burden just dropped on me that couldn't even move.I was speechless. I got back home and my heart couldn't stop beating.I couldn't accept it.I went into my room,set on the chair and stared at the wall for an hour. I couldn't even breath...

I was desperate for air,I was shocked....it was just unacceptable...i couldn't talk.I didn't know what to say...I didn't know how to say it. The next thing i knew i broke down in tears..as if someone was dead. I went upstairs and on my way down, i fell down the stairs and i landed on my face..i wasn't hurt,thank god. I had to cancel my invitation to a party because i couldn't bare the thought of it.My head was spinning..I really couldn't breath...i had to relax. I was really panicking..i was really in pain..='[

I don't expect things to be bad for me....

2010-06-07T00:12:00.000-07:00

Can't believe this is happening, i guess its going to be a bad year for me again.My future is going no where but down the drain. I hate that is even happening...there's a never ending to this.I stop praying...because i lost hope in god..i believe he is really punishing me...with all the results i'm getting and the C- is just killing me. I have to face my parents with this...its a complete torture. I know what i did to deserve this..i guess i asked for this.

I have been having bad dreams lately...like getting bitten by black snakes all the time...this is definitely a bad sigh...something might just happen to me!!!My bad habits are coming back and i need to do something about it..i need to see someone to talk about this...i'm lonely and i think i becoming crazy. I need to go for confession too as well...i need to change.

I'm regretting all this..and i can't live like this no more...its pathetic!!!

OMG...

2010-06-06T23:32:00.000-07:00

He actually asked me for forgiveness...in a million years..we know him too well..n he will never ask for forgiveness...and he ask me to forgive him..my mind went blank...i couldn't believe my eyes....it felted so weird!!!

Me and mummy had a bad morning..n mummy was very down, all i could think about was how she felt...and i wanted to see her smile again...so i did this for her...so i decided to forgive him...it was hard!!!but its been two years..and we been through a lot...i guess it was about time....

He took my hand..hugged me twice and said sorry...don't know what made him change his mind...maybe he felt that he had to talk to me...or maybe he did realize that he was at wrong and he crossed the line before this..i really don't know!!!I called akka and told her this..and she was like...WHAT..OMG r u serious?Now u know what i mean...he never apologize for what he did..n this time everything changed....my heart doesn't feel nice...its just too weird...and his being very nice...i know he has a good heart..his been helping the family a lot...but his attitude sucks that's for sure.

He sent me and mummy to mid valley yesterday,gave mummy RM100 and gave me RM50...i didn't want to take the money..because it just felt weird..but he insisted!!!I'm not actually talking to him much...because i really don't know what to say...But seriously..OMG!!!i just can't believe this...

ATE'',

2010-05-31T23:36:00.000-07:00

I'm so happy for my ate..she's finally moving on!!!Its been 3years now,masaya ako para sayo ate.Never seen her this happy...she's even becoming more crazy..n she's been bugging me for the last 2weeks about something that she wants to do.Can't wait for this Saturday...wuhoo!!!

Well she deserves the best because the last one was a complete jackass and this one is interesting,funny,weird in a good way,and i don't know anything else. My ate hasn't told me anything yet..i don't know what's happening and i don't wanna hope so much but i hope that person is interested and i hope she is...

Hidup Gue

2010-05-28T09:13:00.000-07:00

Berikanlah aku hidup yg menyenangkan..
Aku tak bisa hidup dalam kesakitan ini lagi...
Aku bukan seorang yang mempunyai hati yang kuat...
Aku tak bisa menerima semua ini lagi...
Tolonglah aku...

Relaxing...

2010-05-12T08:35:00.000-07:00

Like i said,i love the BEACH....so i drove down today with the JUNK car at the speed of 90 and took i my time.Parked my car next to Yacht club which is the common place where i do my picnics with my girls.

This time it was just Me and Kak jess...I love that girl. We started walkin on the Beach and the weather was just perfect. There was no sun..it was too cloudy and hell windy. We then took our camera and started CAM WHORING...SNAP SNAP SNAP!!!The place was just too relaxing...it was too quiet since it was just both of us..all i could hear is the strong wind blowing and the small waves...we didn't want to swim but we just wanted to take loadz of pics and talk....'',

I felt free,happy and sad as well but in a good way...i just wanted to get away from everything and i wanted to spend my time with someone that i can call a good friend.She means a lot to me...and I'm happy to have her around.We were really having fun by doin stupids things like climbing tree's and posing on stones..it was like we were models for a fashion magazines...and we were killing it!!!

This bitch ain't got shit on me!!!

2010-05-04T20:50:00.000-07:00

You're just pathetic and you know that yourself....
You selfish bitch....
You only think of yourself but not others....
You have everything but yet you never appreciated any for it....
Grow up bitch..and realize what the fuck you're doing with yr perfect life....
Dam ass....I don't even know you anymore!!!

Gabe bondoc

2010-04-28T05:01:00.000-07:00

What an inspiration..his voice is awesome...n he is a Filipino...yeah u got that right!!!Ang guapo talaga...oh grabe..he reminds me of Jericho but the thing is Jericho is way hotter...n THANKS TO MY ATE for INTRODUCING HIM...P.S ATE..merami salamat'',

Last day..;[

2010-04-09T18:46:00.000-07:00

Its the last day of work...n im sad!!!who wouldn't be...i was suppose to continue working here..and they were going give me a good pay...of course i wanted too but then mum and dad said it was a bad idea...not because of bad reasons but its because of im not finish with my studies yet..i still have to resit for my papers..n they think i wouldn't have time to study and focus in my studies..which i know is true...but what to do..they offered and i have to reject it...so sad!!!im goin to miss this place...Thank you everyone here for teaching me..im goin to miss them to pieces...will upload the pics later..ciow Roystar..;]

Beach

2010-04-07T10:56:00.001-07:00

I miss the beach..i be going there soon with the whole KL family..n i'll make sure i will walk to that small island with the man made bridge...never had the chance too.I go there with my babes all the time..but never go see that place...i don't care if i have to go alone...i'm still goin..i insist no matter what!!!

.......

2010-04-02T08:51:00.000-07:00

I set down there..figuring my imperfect life!!!every step i take, i see changes and most of the time i have to think if every move i make is worth taking..because i came a long way and i regretted everything i did.

Life's ain't that perfect until you're happy...its like a long lost dream you wish for..that i wish for.As far as i know..i'm a mess..and this imperfect life of mine is falling apart.

I'm drowned in my tears...i'm afraid to face this life...i'm afraid of the future...i'm afraid to make a choice.What can i do?any advice?

She makes me smile...'',

2010-04-02T08:48:00.001-07:00

Ako Nasaktan;[

2010-03-24T02:17:00.000-07:00

Its says I'm sad...kasi tatay ko hindi pakikipag-usap sa akin.Ito ay ang lahat ng aking mga kasalanan.Pagsisisihan ko...ang saktan.Walang bagay ay nangyayari rin para sakin...kung gaano katagal,kailan,bakit ako...masakit kaya masama...hindi ako kumaha ito....ma chance ba ako..kailan...ako magkulong ita sa dulo.Ako pag-asa at gusto lahat ay ok.

Grounded!!!

2010-03-17T23:41:00.000-07:00

As far as i know..im grounded now,i can't go no where..i have to sneak out..or lie to go out'', hope u guys understand...they are my parents...if the PD THING jadi...i wil find a way to come along...but i don't think this week i can..probably next week...love u guys[HUGZZZZZZZZZ]

Day dreaming...

2010-03-17T09:10:00.000-07:00

Ever since i got my results...i was not myself anymore..im day dreaming all the time..while working,while walking on the streets and while doing others things...all i could think about is what shit i have to go trough now...

This morning..i took my own sweet time..thinking and thinking what would happen...in a few days time..n how are things going to be....n then the next thing i know i was late for work.THEN...while i was doing my work..helping my customer to find the ticket price..i was day dreaming..thinking about my matter that im facing now..i forgot how to book a ticket...my seniors were yelling at me[but in a good way..not seriouslah]...They were like no...noooooooooooooooo....nooooooooolah..what happen to you roshene...then i was like erm..hehehehe...sorry for not paying attention...i didn't know where to put my face..so paiseh!!!

At 12.00pm..i went out for lunch...while coming back..i walked in front alone while i let the other two walk behind and talk...i still wasn't paying attention on the road..n to be honest i almost ran into a car...the stupid traffic light was spoil and i thought it was my grandfathers road..thank god my friend pulled me!!!Now you see what i mean...im day dreaming...my mind is not with me and i'm all over the place..its really sad.Im feeling really miserable,sad,upset,useless,all the negative feelings are in my mind...;[

Its 12.39 am now..n im blogging!!!i cant sleep..coz i can't stop thinking...i'm afraid...plz help me someone. I felt hungry...i haven't eaten dinner yet and my stomach is making noise...i went to the kitchen to get something to eat...i found a tin of sweet corn...while opening the tin, i accidentally cut my finger and i don't have a plaster to stop the bleeding[the cut is kindda deep]...dreaming again.

Every time i open my eyes..i start thinking and thinking..its like drinking water!!!How am i to face this now....i'm about to become crazy..Im talking to myself..im speaking in Tagalog..Im talking to the walls...and Im talking to my yellow Mr Bernard...seriously im going crazy...im feeling lonely...who could even help me?...i think i should see some one who can help me...talk to my mum and sister is not enough..because i know talking to them will make things worst...i will argue and fight and nothing is going to change....help my sweet Jesus..plz help your child;[

Dissapointment ;[

2010-03-16T04:22:00.000-07:00

How disappointing...i can't believe this shit is even happening to me...its the same shit that happen a year ago..how long is it going to take...how fucking long.Its so unfair...so dam fucked up...

So what now,god is punishing me...coz i didn't pray hard enough..coz i stopped praying...i know i did so many wrong things in life..n i'm still doing it..but it's so unfair...i studied and i know i didn't study hard enough..all i want is a pass..y is it so hard to get it..and all i got is FUCKIN C-...FUCK THE C-..N THIS BLOODY FUCKING COLLEGE FUCKIN SUCKS,THE GRADS SUCKS...BY GIVING US FUCKIN C-,they get the more money...STUPID FUCK...how long do i have to TAKE..just to get my diploma..n people are already asking..when is my graduation,when u finishing...what am i to say...where am i going to put my face...what are my parents going to say...i completely let them down...i hate that is happening to me..2008 was bad year for me...what now 2010?

I can't take this shit anymore...i wanna start working...i wanna pay for my own paper's...N i can't even do that...its so fucked up.Now im working..n i have to come back from work..looking have dead and tired...n i have to start studying for this papers..its so frustrating...tiring...its a short sem some more...i'm running out of time...I hate this shit college..i regret coming to this cheap college...all they want is our money...and give us shit grads...so upsetting.i should have gone somewhere better...i'm sure i be doing my degree already..but what now.i have to face this shit..n my friends are all studying degree and working..n i'm still stuck in this fucking college...what else can i say..i said so much already...n this shit is happening...Im fucking 22 years old dy...how long more??????i need to see my girlfriends..i wanna tell them how i feel...i wanna cry on their shoulder, i want them to hug me n tell me to stay strong and don't give up..and that i can do it...mummy already knows..she's really upset[of course she will be],papa's doesn't know yet..i don't know how to tell him..i can't even look at his face.i don't even wanna go back and face them.When they start yelling me..i can't even argue back...because it's my fault...i have to listen to them yell at me and call me names and cry...[just writing this now is putting me in tears..like someone just died]...

All i can do now..is PRAY hard..i have to start praying and i have to tell myself..i have to do it no matter what...HOW SHIT LIFE CAN BE FOR ME..I HAVE TO END THIS SHIT..N MOVE ON AND NEVER GIVE UP...I HAVE COME A LONG WAY..I HAVE BEEN STUDYING FOR 4YEARS..I HAVE TO END THIS IN A GOOD WAY..N HAVE TO SACRIFICE EVERY GOOD THING..TO DO WELL...I DON'T CARE IF IM NOT HAPPY BUT I WANNA MAKE MY PARENTS HAPPY..IM SUCH A DISAPPOINTING DAUGHTER TO THEM...IM SO FUCKED UP...N IM' NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT..I'M SCREWING EVERYTHING THEN MAKING IT BETTER!![P.S- ROSHENE U HAVE TO DO IT NO MATTER WHAT..OR YOU WILL REGRET YR WHOLE LIFE].

Needs a Boyyor....

2010-03-06T07:20:00.000-08:00

Serious people...i'm desperate for a boy..i want a boyfriend..and i want him now..its the perfect timing...i'm single and available!!![Always have been'',]I need a boyyor..to take care of me,i need him to comfort me,i need him to be there for me,i need him because i'm feeling so lonely,i need him now.

Oh my sweet jesus...

2010-03-01T07:13:00.000-08:00

This prayer is specially from heart..because you are so great and powerful..i want to write this prayer for you and to let you how i really feel and also hoping u will grant this BIG prayer for me.All my life, i wanted things to be perfect...i wanted no trouble but a little bit of love...i never wanted to cry so much in my life but i did let those tears out until i couldn't take it...i have so much regrets in my life that i really wish to take back..which is impossible..i know.All i can do now.. is to forgive myself..and also forgive others for hurting me...which i think would be really hard...

Besides that...people always say ''LIFE IS TO SHORT,ENJOY AS MUCH AS YOU CAN''..i do agree to that but sometimes i just don't.Sometimes life can be great but it is only regarding to what we have in life that makes us happy.I have my PARENTS,SISTER,FRIENDS,AND OTHER LOVE ONES...but sometimes i feel it isn't enough...to be honest GOD..i'm not happy with my life...because i had so much up and downs,troubles to deal with everyday, so much to worry and so little time.I'm still having trouble in my life...which is my WEIGHT...i KNOW I CAN DO IT...but most of the time i just lose hope and faith in myself...I'm not discipline enough..when I'm in trouble then i ask for help...when people look down on me,i look for someone's to cry on..but basically i'm always alone.

The only thing that can really make me change to be a better person and also to be happy...besides friends and family is A Boyfriend..which is so hard for me to get..n y is that..because i can't lose this freaking weight...I always ask myself..WHY ME?WHY WAS I BORN WITH MY MOUTH LIKE THAT?WHY WAS I BORN WITH NO MILK TOOTH AND I HAVE TO WEAR FAKE TOOTH..which practically sucks...WHY AM I SO FAT?WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?WHY ISN'T GOOD THINGS HAPPENING IN MY LIFE?WHY? WHY? WHY?...oh MY SWEET JESUS..WHY?

NEVERTHELESS, our life is just beginning..and i haven't really enjoyed life yet..i never earned so much money in my life,i never did crazy things that i wanted to do, i never had my first kiss,i never hold a BOY'S hand before,i never told a guy I LOVED him. The reason i'm saying this is because i'm scared....with what is happening to this world..and all the warnings of Global warming...i'm afraid that there wouldn't be enough time for anything...i'm not saying its going to be judgment day and the world is going to end soon regarding 2012..but its all up to u GOD..PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS LIFE WE HAVE FOR NOW...ITS NOT OUR TIME YET...PEOPLE are born everyday and dying...Life is just the beginning.Please grant this prayer o lord..please grant my prayer o lord..please bless me with all the gifts you have in YOUR life...AMEN

Look...[p.s the first 3 pics terbalik dy..nvm u'll understand]

2010-02-25T05:42:00.000-08:00

Look...ah...dapat juga the price...happylah

Look..this face giving up dy...still cannot get the price...wrong date..type another date pun tak dapat..gerammm:o

Look...this is me,trying to find the ticket price..tak dapat pun:o

Look..this is my face after answering a call from indonesia'',

Look..this is my face when i'm staring at the computer and doing the ABACUS syatem'',

Guess what?

2010-02-22T23:36:00.000-08:00

I love my job..its fun,interesting..and its high risk..but so what.Before this we used to sit in the meeting room n listen to people brief us about different traveling products..which i can say was interesting but sometimes really really boring..We started working yesterday..doing what we were asked to do..n i was super excited,no kidding.As far as i know..i never worked before this...it was an awesome experience.My senior's are great teachers...they thought me a lot..but there's so much to learn..im only learning the basic..which is practically SO COOL.Now u know u how i sound...im extremelly excited.Neway, today was awesome too...i was working my ass of...sitting in this Hot place...and answering calls.My first call was a guy who wanted to fly to Sdyney..n i was like freakin out...surelah..first time what...so i did what i suppose to do..n went on with it...after that i felt great..n i couldn't wait to answer the next and next and next call...wuhoo!!!!Then an old customer came in...His from austria and he is a Muslim..but orang putihlah...he was friendly with us...HIKKI my senior was BZ and i had to help her out to deal with him...im my heart i was like ''chill roshene..don't panic..u can do this''...N guess what..i had my first COMPLIMENT FROM THIS CUSTOMER..WUHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!DAM HAPPY WEI...n I WAS BRAGGING ABOUT IT TO REBECCA!!![IT was FUNNY TOUGH...EVERYONE WAS BZ..ME,REBECCA,CALVIN AND COLLEN]FUNNY..coz rebecca was running up and down..she was so cute..she looked so stresslah...so i gave a hug...to cheer her up!!!...i rather be bz then not doing anything at all...but just so u know...i felt so stress later part..coz i had to find details for a friend who wanted to fly to Yogjakarta and she was not sure about her details..i was going crazy...but im not complaining k...biasalah kan..u will tend to face probelms like this...but u know what..I love it here..n i hope to stay here n continue workin...coz the working enviroment is great..everyone here are so friendly...i really wanna do well n prove to them that im willing to stay and do my job well n also prove it to my parents...ok..im done here...MABUHAI..'',

The sea

2010-02-19T19:55:00.000-08:00

I love the sea,the beach,the islands..its gorgeous..its paradise...wanted to go to BALI so badly...want to go with lover boy who happens to be nobody.i love the blue water..but apprently PD doesn't have blue water...i always wanted to get stranded in an island...an exotic one...with coconut tree's and waterfalls..sound so romantic right?besides i don't really care what happen's to me..as far as i know i can swim..n i'm not afraid of the water...i call myself sea lover..how i wish i was a mermaid...but they ain't living a good life down there right?they just happen to be beautiful and fast....neway..i want to see paradise and experience it!!!ps..i love big waves..but not like what u see in the TV..'',

Training

2010-02-12T19:06:00.000-08:00

Training is practically kindda interesting and boring..but i have learned so much since i came here.Basically i learn about different products such as about asia tours...itenaries tours,where they go,what they do,histories..its like learning the histories of these places.Knowing the history and how brilliant these places are..it is making wanna travel more..can't tahan dylah. Mummy visited these places dy..lucky her. Wanna go to BALI so badly...its gorgeous there..too romantic..beautiful sceneries.WHENLAH WHEN i'll be going there....n when i need money..i don't have one cent at all..it sucks wei!!!tensionnya..some more now working but not getting paid at all..where by my other friends are getting paid for RM300,400 and above.

I so have to prove myself during Matta Fair time...if not susahlah nanti...;[.[wish me luck]

T.BOWL....A.K.A TOILET BOWL

2010-02-11T03:17:00.000-08:00

JUST IMAGINE WHEN YOU HEAR SOMEONE SAY..LETS GO EAT DINNER IN TOILET BOWL..I WAS LIKE..WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT...BUT IN THE END ITS KINDDA AWESOME...IT SOUNDS SO WEIRD..BUT YOU JUST SHOULDN'T IMAGINE WHAT YOU THINK TOILET BOWL IS..COZ IT'S ALL JUST FOOD AND DRINKS PLUS DESERT...

Beautiful melody...

2010-02-07T04:07:00.000-08:00

My world is falling apart when i look at you...
When i look at you, i see forgiveness...
I see the truth..you love me for who i am...
When the waves reach the shore...i wait for you...

ROYSTAR TRAVEL AND TOUR..

2010-02-07T03:58:00.000-08:00

MORE TO COME...

Shoessssssssss

2010-02-07T03:50:00.000-08:00

Discount discount...i bought one for it in VINCCI!!!

The wedding...

2010-01-26T09:42:00.000-08:00

o yes..VVV was the bridesmaid....it was a beautiful wedding..it made me and mummy tear a little bit...just imagine when it is our time and papa has to let us go...o boy!!!The bride was gorgeous...two different weddings..one in the church and one in the temple..was really excited about it.Love wedding ceremonies..just never really had the chance to go for it all this years and i'm glad i went for this one...

Like the mug....

2010-01-26T09:36:00.001-08:00

Remind me of FRIENDS..huge cup of coffee!!!

What i like to have in the morning....

2010-01-26T09:22:00.000-08:00

PLUMS..MY FAVORITE FRUIT...AND YES...OTHERS TOO..[YOGURT DRINK..MIX FRUIT IS THE BEST]

Someday...

2010-01-26T09:07:00.000-08:00

Someday i'm going to put a Tattoo that i always wanted...i asked mummy that day..what if i put a Tattoo and you found out about it..''SHE SAID SHE WON'T EVER TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN''...and then she asked me where i wanted to put it..that question caught my mind..i was like AH...that's a surprise question? She always ignores these kind of questions but i don't know what got into her that day...that made me think i'm sure she will be ok if i get a Tattoo...i told her..papa doesn't have to find out..its not important...n then she was like whatever...neway its the trend now!!!everyone is getting one..my parents just have to be sporting a bit...it's not a bad thing.i know one grandmother that has two Tattoo's which is so awesomelah..come on parents!!!ITS ART OF BEAUTY....

My 2009...LOVED IT TO PIECES...

2010-01-11T04:31:00.001-08:00

Ako, me and myself..original tau!!!

miss this one too....

miss yr silly poses...love you baby!!!

ain't they cute...

watcha looking at...

best swimming kaki....

melaka trip....

a great friend and helper...love you kak jess!!!

us..the mad sister's..we fight,we laugh,we talk crap!!!

love having her around....i miss you!!!

loved this year christmas deco...it was gorgeous!!!

it's all about the blue....

set on the plane to go for my vacation...

bought a new mp3 player and im 24/7 with it....love it!!

basically went everywhere with her...

love them the most...

had the best 21st ever..thanks to mummy and papa....

had a great halloween with the 4sister's....

christmas with michell in jill's hse....

wish came true..wanted to sit on a horse for so long!!!

christmas with papa and akka was fun....

Met a new friend....

My babe's....[good old times]

2009-11-09T00:34:00.000-08:00

It was on my birthday..we were in times square..aly joined us later part

AnW...jill was in sandakan...aly taking the picture...

Remember this..aly came back from bali...n her hair...funnylah!!!

Our last year together...;[ our favorite place..STARBUCKS

On our way to Sungai Wang....in the metro bus!!!

PD picnic...oh boy i miss this...dah lama tak pergi PDlah..where are u guys!!!

We used to do crazy things in hostel..this was one of it...you had no idea...trust me she was really heavy...was i breathing and breathing...[forgot who took the pic]...i was like fasterlah..this konuk dam heavylah....

kiss kiss kiss....

Love this pic..everyone though aly was a guy...guapo talaga!!!

A day to remember...

2009-11-09T00:03:00.000-08:00

cheers....

stacy,jessy,zai,me,and clarina a.k.a carmen....

too loving...look at that face...

dance dance dance....i love my curls here...

berpeluh aku...well i had fun that day..n i liked the new place...

Me love...

2009-10-14T09:54:00.000-07:00

Crazy us...

2009-10-13T06:27:00.000-07:00

I can define us as the Crazy one's....
One day we will be fighting and the next thing you know..we won't talk for a WEEK...and then i have to apologize bcoz i'm the youngest...and i hate that!!!
And then the next thing..we will be laughing like mad..joking around n talking crap....what can i say!!!
We can't live without each other can we....

You can make a differents....

2009-10-13T06:12:00.000-07:00

I know you can...you can change!!!
I need your faith...can you give it to me....
I really need that....can you even trust me!!!

Something that i'm good at doing..editing!!!

2009-09-26T23:27:00.000-07:00

My fake tatoo...Me like....

2009-09-17T07:54:00.000-07:00

M y first time cooking...not bad actually!!!

2009-09-17T07:33:00.000-07:00

Sosej goreng dengan cili bo...

Luncheon meat goreng dengan bawang putih/merah.....

Yeah baby...pasta pasta...sedap ba!!!okok...like i said not bad for the first time....

These boots were make for walkin...

2009-09-17T07:27:00.001-07:00

But apparently they kill my feet... sakit sial!!!

3 peeps in one dressing room!!!

2009-09-17T07:24:00.000-07:00

Luckily two of them were thin ones......'',

This is what i do when i'm fuckin bored

2009-09-17T05:35:00.000-07:00

Take pictures from my web cam....

My new shoes..nice ah?

This is how my month of september was...

2009-09-13T11:52:00.000-07:00

Yes it was exam month,all i do is study till late, go to the library,sleep if i'm bored then continue studying...

Don't get me wrong...wasn't trying to kill myself..well i fell sick...yes and these were the pills...

Baby cataleena...she always gets the attention nowadays...especially from me..i can't get my eyes of her...she is just too cute...every time i go back to jill's hse, she the first one i always ask for...i always take picture of her..but its so hard to get her to smile...

As always..late night yam cha[ Teh tarik and Air panas]

And lastly...my 21st birthday...finally 4four us reunited again...i had the best birthday ever'',

US...ang ganda talaga

2009-08-29T08:55:00.001-07:00

mirror pose...

i should be climbing on you....

n yes and the stupid monkey faces....'',

The pro's...

2009-08-23T07:24:00.000-07:00

I had my last class on saturday and also my last presentation....it started at 8am till 2pm..and the fucker TCK LECTURER[who we call the tck of penang] didn't even give us break...and the lecture hall was so hot...i didn't even eat breakfast..was so hungry...college was busy with the coco day!!!everyone was so tired...bad mood...but i manage to take a few pictures....n like them!!! we look like pro's i can say!!!

me,ten thousand,seow,cliff,and michelle...

pose,pose and pose...not lookin at the cam also acceptedlah!!!

me like..nice shot[me,mich,quen ni,kanix]

different pose[relak je]

hehehehe...'',

Nothing better to do...

2009-08-19T10:30:00.001-07:00

It was 1am when i just finish studying...so i couldn't sleep...so i decided to try what i was going to wear for my birthday..i guess i'm excited for it..i mean come on..it's like my 21st birthday..i have too look good right...so much for losing weight roshene...so i was like trying every single top and skirt and dress and top again..well in the end, i decided to just wear my skinny jeans and one of my tops that i bought from uk...it's going to be simple..but i'm sure my all guest will look better then me...especially the young ones...'',!!! It's OK..by the way..it's all about me right...

The next thing i did after the whole wardrobe thing..i moved to the make up sessions...what'S the used of buying make up and not using it right...i was in jusco earlier n i bought another eye shadow...it's green!!!don't get me wrong ya...GREEN!!!...SO i tried that on..with my other lighter green..plus purple...what a combination of colors...it was kindda nice...for my skin considered oklah...and i also tried this really red lipstick...well i don't use lipstick..but i think this color looks good on me...

me and pose..people love when i do this...well i love it too...then i started becoming photo gewdik..picture after picture...aiyo..what can i say...kita semua perempuan,same je!!kan kan...

mata i buruk sekali..itulah pasal tido lambat....

Finally...

2009-08-18T08:08:00.001-07:00

Finally he be buried....
and we know you're rocking up there...

I LiKE...

2009-08-18T01:25:00.000-07:00

I MISS THIS..I WANNA DO IT AGAIN..THIS TIME MUST ADD ANGEL TOO!!!
MISS THE PHOTO GEWDIKS..'',

Can't wait...

2009-08-11T10:05:00.000-07:00

Omg omg..i can't wait for New moon...
i'm like going to youtube everyday and seeing the trailer like a million times....
and i just saw the sneak peek...part 1 and 2...didn't know about it!!!

O god, it's like so awesome..but the movie is like taking ages to come out...it's coming out in November,dam latelah..must wait so long...

Trust me fans out there..you're so going to love the movie...i read the book already..and im like obsessed with the story..i'm reading eclipse now...
Stephenie Meyer..is just amazing...i admire her for what she is..she's like J.K Rowling...just amazing...

This time, new moon is all about Jacob Black..yeah baby..Jacob!!!
He so yummy in this movie..and his body is to die for...his eyes are so so so..o god what is the word...em...em...it's like he so wanna grab you...it's like he got some special powers..to make someone for in love with him..

I love Edward so much too...but this time it's not about him..but Jacob..yummy Jacob!!!...

The shadows of KLCC

2009-08-10T10:47:00.001-07:00

JESSY PRIMUS LIEW AND ROSHENE.V.

To my dearest babe..angel

2009-08-10T09:58:00.000-07:00

To my dearest angel..i know you be ok!!!
you can survive without them...u have me,jill,gordan,n aly...
The more you think about them, the more you will be hurt..it's not worth it[ sakit hati ny]...
I'm not saying you should forget them..but sometimes they can be a pain in the....
i can make you laugh...[i can't believe i'm putting this picture in here, but for u i will]hehe..i just want you to smile or you can start laughing now....

sod sod face...aiyooooooo

i like this pictures..you look pretty...muah

Doin something new...

2009-08-09T23:57:00.000-07:00

i'm always going to the same place...clubbing,klcc,more clubbing..but this time i did something else..something i can say...it was fun,something i never get to do with family because they are too boring..not adventures enough!!!

This ain't something adventures but it is something u can do with a group of friends..if u can't sleep, u can come out late at night...enjoying the weather...buy some food,snacks..and you can call it a night picnic or something!!!

It was at 1 am when i reached this place..by the way it's in selayang...which is considered dam near to my place...it is called Kolam Air Panas..got the last two words-[AIR PANAS]...HAHAHAHA...something that u wouldn't want in this kindda weather..everyday so bloody hot and then going to this place to mandi AIR PANAS,LOL!!!

Well it not that bad..coz it's divided into 3different kolam's....HOT WATER THAT WiLL BURN YOUR WHOLE BODY...MEDIUM HOT WATER WHICH IS STILL BLOODY HOT...AND LASTLY WARM WATER..REALLY WARM...that one i can say u can jump in...nice n warm...!!!that's is what i did..as you can see!!!

It was just 3of us..me,kak jess and her bf...it's always us...if jill,angel and aly was around..it would be more fun..but too bad they are not here!!!Took alot of pixxy...go cheack out my facebook...i will put some in here!!!

can you see the stim..this is only the warm water!!!

me...hasan...and kak jessy

we and our pose.....

not easy to pangat the thing..dahlah no stairs
but i got my own way..n if you're short,tahulah nanti
people have to carry you...hahahaha

Girls Night out....

2009-08-06T03:25:00.000-07:00

After so long of going clubbing with the same people and the same place...finally i got a bunch of them to come along...7 girls and one guy...

Pool fun'',

2009-07-20T07:02:00.000-07:00

It was just two weeks ago, i played pool with my cousins in pd club....had fun on that moment...was playing like crap..for the first two games 2+1 three games...and i won the 3rd game..well i didn't expect that..which was good!!!

should have seen rohan's face..he was like what the hell!!!i won over him...not bad not bad!!!

Took a couple of pictures...nice ones!!!

There you go...

2009-06-04T00:29:00.000-07:00

It's been a long year since we last spoke....
just between you and me,before all this....what did i miss?

Did you ever get homesick...
Did you get used to it...
I'm used to it...I miss you.

I'm that same star...
I could have saved you...
You alone with all that pills...I'm so sorry, Please forgive me!!!

For blue skies, blue blue skies...forgive me.
When it comes to us..i forgive you...
Y? Leaving out of control..in my biggest picture, it was you and me...
You know i have tried...I'm confused, please make me understand..will you help me....?

I want one moment in time...
Tell me why u wanna leave....
I need you to come back home...
I need you...I don't want to be alone...you know i will go crazy...I'm racing to get my destiny....

Not that we are together...but you can take my hand and i want you to know I got you....
I need you to be my side....
Please don't leave...would you help me?
I just want you back...another day passes by...
I feel all alone..I miss you...I been keeping all the letters...
I never sent them to you,because i knew what situation you put me in the last time we were together...
I feel like i'm leaving in someone else s life....
This was not what you wanted...but you did let me go...
This isn't love...god send me angel up from above....
Come back home...It will be alright...
MAHALKITA....

Love
Roshene.V.

Beautiful flower

2009-06-03T23:34:00.000-07:00

'' This is a song for every girl, who's ever been trough something she thought she could not make it trough...

I say these words because i know what is it like and what it really means to me...

I wanted better then this and who do i turn too....

Now i'm moving from the darkness into the light, this the defining moment of my perfect life....

And that is because i'm beautiful like a flower, more valuable like a diamond, more powerful then the fire and i can heal the world with my mind... ''

Angel devil....

2009-06-03T21:55:00.000-07:00

Hey angel..lucky i got one picture with you....[it's our latest pix]so how youlah?
When we going to me up again...now we can met up in kl..coz i got my freedom...i can go anywhere i want and come back home anytime i want.hahahaha.

About us meeting up in seremban..i think it is impossible..coz u knowlah how hard for me to get the car...mafan!!!n my mum will be grumbling, sometimes wanna go out with jill also so hard...so i guees kl is the choicelah..

Ok im going to strart your part angel..oopss im nervous and i don't know what to saylah...hehehehehe!!! EM... my friend here angeline yee is a very cute, chubby person...funny and your smile brightens me all the time when im with you..she loves to lecture jillian all the time and me as well[but i not so teruklah]...she sure got something to say or talk about all the time, i known angel for the past 13th years and i know what is she like...i remember once, we both almost had a fight...that time when we were suppose to meet in sunway pyramid...one small SMS become the biggest fight ever...i guess that part i can honestly say that she was very sensitive....

I also know that she love to manja with gordan all the time...they both dam sayanglah..angel i'm jeolous of you...how ah?
set me on a blind date k..i be waiting!!! i also know that she's smart...when exam time she love to study last minute but her results are like awesome...aiyo..dunnolah!!!

One more thing..when she start talking, she won't speak softly but she will be shouting in your ears as if you were deaf and she love to drag her feet and walk...and i hate it when she does that..i will tell her off..n jillian will be laughing at me!!!

No matter what you do to me..what you say also...i still love you for that..remember that day we were chatting and you made me cry..well that is because you care for me n i love you for that...like i said it's nice to talk to you..coz you are very good at giving me advice...and telling me what i should do or what i should not..and i love you for that angel...everyday i think about you and jill..when i get up and go to college,and when i also go to jusco and starbuks..i think of u both..and im not kidding k...you both are the only one's who always contact me...and keeping in touch...[no offense aly...i'm sure you know that's true]- you only message us once in a blue moon...

I remember that time how you like to bring us along to sungai wang and lot 10 and times square all...i used to grumble alot...i hated sungai wang..don't know why..but i still will go to teman you guys...i love to go out.. at the same time i will nag nag...coz you and jill like walking on air..walk n walk...but never buy anything..aiyo..don't know what to saylah...
Neway so as you should know..I LOVEEEEEEEEE YOU K...I always will angel.....miss you!!!n see you soon....merami selama'',

Pangarap ko...buhai ko...

2009-06-02T04:56:00.000-07:00

'' My life was like a moonless night, very dark but there were stars...points of light and reason.

And then you shot across my sky like a meteor suddenly everything was on fire,there was brilliancy, there's was beauty, and when you were gone...the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went blank...

Nothing had changed but my eyes were blinded by the light, i could not see the stars anymore and there was no more reason for anything..no more excuse to see you ever again... ''

A code by Stephenie Meyer...

Nandito na ako...

2009-06-02T03:21:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be honest here..no heart feelings babes....
She's been the best..helpful, generous, funny as always, crazy, dunggu sometimes, crazy again...n i get it, and i love her for that...

I LOVE HER because she is who she is...she doesn't pretend to be someone else...but sometimes she irritates me!!like crazy[ everytime when we go out and by the time i reach her house..she's NEVER ready, AND WITH TOWEL ON HEAD..geramnya aku!!!] ...for this past few years she been a great friend,and i love her for that,i love her parents..sometimes i feel like family...maybe not sometimes but all the time...

HAHAHAHA...her mum loves to scream at us[ her favourite wordS,SHUT UPLAH U, GET OUT]...because it is what she is, AND I LOVE HER FOR THAT.. o yes..she is a good adviser too...i love talking to her mum...and i'm never shy when i'm around them at all times.

Her dad is a funny joker...and he always got something to say to me..ejek only all the time!!! he is perhaps the best badminton player..i have known..i guess!!!hehehe

Oi...jillian tio,u sure terasa when u read thislah..omg u be like so perasan...hahaha!!but u know im serious..im not joking ok!!!if i got something to say about someone..i will say it only...and i'm honest ok...yup..don't worry i'm not expecting u to write something about me...

I love it when we can go lepak together..and everytime we go out..sure got something to do...i't may be something nice..or something really dum!!!remember what we always do in starbucks..people go there to online and drink a cup of coffee..but we actually do something else...something really stupid..aiyo....lol...

I can't wait for next month...something happening right?
our secret..lol..u told me last night..hahahaha.Come kllah..i wanna do something crazy..i wanna go genting again..n i wanna go dance...i wanna go for holidaylah...okoklah..forgot what i wanted to say somemore....merami selamat..mahalkita!!!!!

Last post february 13th...next post now!!!

2009-06-01T21:34:00.000-07:00

Hello...i'm back again after so long!!! so lazy to update my bloglah...sometimes got nothing write about n sometimes got a lot of things to write but too lazy.

For this past few months so many things happen..i mean good things ok...!!!i was on 1 month holiday..enjoyed living at home but was bored to death..if jillian wasn't working, then we will go jalan jalan..if not just lepak at home.Then the only trip i went to was in genting for jill's 21st birthday..which was nice...the weather was awesome..didn't want to come back..you can like stay there foreverlah....the view from our rooms were gorgeous....chech out the pictures..up up.

At the same time i was also waiting for my results...and i was freaking out...i had so many things on my mind to think about..biasalah..tension like hell!!! but in the end everything went well..good results,and freedom sial....i moved out...i'm staying near my college now..it's like 3minutes walk to college...i am like so happy..i worked hard for it..because i know how important was it...and i did it...L.O.V.E it...F.R.E.E.D.O.M!!!

I'm missing my babes already..i wish they were here....well i learned my lesson...i'm sure you guys know what i mean...will do well next time!!!
I have alot more to write about..will be right back..but I'm having class in 20 minutes..gotta go...

Too be continued...'',merami selamat..there's goes the tagalog!!!

it's been awhile...

2009-02-13T20:58:00.000-08:00

I'm back..it has been awhile since i updated my blog. Really busy..trying to find time to figure things out...my exam's were just over..i'm on sem break now!!!

There's so many things on mind...too many plans..so little time...going crazy at times!!!Wondering if i should do it..or if i could do it...it always sound's easy...but what happens when u try to do it..it doesn't work...n when u want something so badly...u never get it...never! Everything sucks around me...nothing seems to work..everything gets on the way..everything is so screwed up...why on earth, when u wanna get something so badly...it doesn't come your way...why why why!!!

I'm only 21...but i'm already facing so much problem..is everything going to be ok..i hope so,it has to,and i want it to!!! There maybe times when things aren't the way we hope it to be..everything looks impossible!!!but then sometimes we just have to give it another chance or try our best to make sure everything will be fine...right?

I just have to do what works best for me..believe in myself..keep on believing that i can do...and whatever i do there is a way out of it..people may seem to say it is difficult and so on...but i guess it's all up to me to make things right...

REMEMBER THAT SONG...PICTURE

2008-11-26T22:39:00.000-08:00

I LOVE THAT SONG..PICTURE-by kid rock and sheryl crow.

i remembered ones i and aly set in hostel, singing it!!! its a duet..i was sheryl and aly was kid rock!!!it was so funny...because the way we sang!!!its not that we got the voice..but we were trying to make it sound the same...jillian was there too!!!laughin at us..angel missed it...i miss those time..really!!!really miss you guys.Need all your support..knowing what i have been trough lately...hopely one day we can gather again like we used too..four of us!!! me,angel,aly n jillian..now everyone is busy!!!no time for each other at all..sad sadlah. ALY i wanna do the duet again...this for real..with the recording sekali!!!suppose to do it my sister..but she don't seem to remember the words..susahlah like that!!!i need my singing kakilah...perfect for each other..i mean singing k...'',

Living my life in so hell, different girl everynight in the hotel
i ain't see the sunshine in three dam days.

i put your picture away,set down and cried for days,
i can't look at you..i am lying next to her.

i called you last night in the hotel,everyone knows but they won't tell.
i put you're picture away, i wonder where you been...i can't look at you while im lying next to him.

continues...

I was so shocked...and in pain!!!

2008-11-26T21:48:00.000-08:00

What an experience..that i could not even imagine..i was in shocked..crying and shaking.It hurt me so badly that i couldn't even see or feel myself...i can't believe he did it...how dare you bitch..and i will never ever forgive you.YOU FUCKIN cross the line this time!!!to me you're dead...i wish you burn in hell. I'm glad everyone knows already..knowing the true you...a person that you are...dangerous, ugly,bitchy,brainless bitch...i hate you...BITCH!!!

How dare you, how dare you?

I can imagine if were married..what you put yr family trough...you bloody fuckin bitch...you can't even control yourself...I am also glad that i manage to kick your ass...what is the used of learning karate without kickin some ass..at last i did it...IM GLAD!!!I manage to self-defence myself..or i can't imagine what situation you can put me in. Everyone's hates you now..that goes to your family too...your brothers and sister..nephews and nieces too!!!
You have no one but your fuckin self..im glad bitch...im glad!!!REMEMBER you don't need us because you have all your fuckin malay friends...they can give you a good life rite...you don't need us and we don't need you BITCHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....you have no idea that you change..you don't realize the true you..you don't even know who have you become... and that makes you a fuckin bastard...fuck off!!!

i can't wait to move out...away from everything.I know i have a great life...and a great family...im already gettin it out of my mind...so that it doesn't affect my studies, just like last time...fuck off bitch..i hope you die soon.i hope you suffer in life..and regret what you did to me..but knowing you,you will never regret it bitch..people change..KNOWING you!!! YOU NEVER CHANGE...

WHAT A YEAR....FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

2008-10-14T08:33:00.000-07:00

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!everything that happen this year is so screwed up for me!!!i had so much probelms to face and i just can't take it...it's just too much!!! i am so angry and upset!!!..nevertherless so bloody fuckin unlucky..every single fuckin thing thats comes up..causes me so much probelm...i am sooooooooooo FUCKIN ANGRY. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!Y IS IT ALWAYS ME? was i not a good person in the past..that's why it's all hunting me back now...whatever dreams i want to achieve..just vanished in a blink of an eye!!!I just want everything to be perfect...why is it so hard...i always screw things up!!!WHEN IS IT ALL THIS GOIN TO BE BETTER FOR ME...I WANNA DO WELL,I KNOW I CAN...I WANNA MAKE MY PARENTS PROUD...I LOVE THEM SO MUCH ..I DON'T WANT TO BE A FAILIER...IT'S LIKE I HAVE LOSTED MY DIGNITY..AND TRUST..MY BELIEFES...

GALIT NA AKO..MA CHANCE BA AKO!!!BAKIT BA..BAKIT AKO!!!SA PANGARAP KO...BAKIT BA SANG ANG LAHAT...ANG SAKET TALAGA SA PUSO KO...[im angry,do i have a chance ...why,why me..my dreams..why everything...my heart is so pain]

I wish i could turn back time..but its impossible!!!im not the time machine..im not anyone..i don't have powers..im not a hero...im just someone who is very unlucky...and there is no way i know how to lead the way...im so losted!!!i need to find my way out..please help me god...sometimes i can't even depend on god too..because i feel that he can't help me...and i have to do it my way and on my own...;[

I gotta find you, i need to find you...

2008-10-05T22:34:00.000-07:00

You're the voice i heard inside my head and that's the reason why i'm moving on...i need to find you,i gotta find you.Everytime i think i'm closer to you or to the heart, what it means is to know who i am. i think i finally found a better place to start, but no one seems to understand. I need to try to get to where you are..it could be that you are not that far. You are the missing piece i need the song inside of me...i need to find you, i gotta find you.
I've been feeling lost..can't find the words to say, spending all my time stuck in yesterday..where you are is where i wanna be, next to you and you next to me..i need to find you, i gotta find you.Do you know what's it like to feel in the dark to dream about a life, where you are the shining star, eventhought it seems like it is to far away i have to believe in myself it is the only way.

This is me, i'm exactly where i wanna be..gonna let the light shine on me. Now i've found who i am ..there's no way to hold it in ..no more hiding who i wanna be....

Is it possible....

2008-09-09T21:42:00.000-07:00

I love to dance..is it possible!!!i wanna dance everything...everything as in everything,SALSA,RAMBA,MAMBO,FREESTYLE,HIP HOP,WALTZ,CHA CHA,LINE DANCE..WHAT I MEAN HERE AS IN...THE BALLROOM DANCE...ALL IN ONE!!! Is it possible!!!

i don't fuckin care about my size..that's for sure!!! If my friends believe i can do it..then i don't see the probelm...but, there's no time..there's no partner to dance with. Wish there's someone in this world that feels the same way i do... i wish i had a partner...just like MARIO LOPEZ...O man he so hot..i wish i had a hot partner like him..that has the same passion like me..that lovesssssssss to dance...lately i been watchin DANCING WITH THE STARS...o man, you can just sit there and watch it and not get your ass out of the chair...its amazing..awesome...nothing that u can't imagine!!! just saw the freestyle that he did...wahhhhhh!!! fuckin awesome!!!

wish i was a dancer...at least i get to lose some weight...and win an oscar!!!haha. i do dancing all the time when im free..in the room,bathroom, living room..name it and u can see me there...i have two friends that can dance and they really good at it too..one of them...won't stop saying that she wants go dancing..whose else...siape tu..konuk photo gedik tulah...haizzz, wish someone that i don't know just come's up to my face n say...WILL YOU DANCE WITH ME...O BOY..TRY SEDUCING MR PERFECT..HAHAHA!!!

ok...really want all this so badly..wish it was possible...smilez'',

2008-08-22T21:20:00.000-07:00

Nothing is gained, nothing is lost…
Your absences are like your presence.
The day’s starts with you, the dusky evening approaches from you…
Every moment, very breath and the life I have are from you.

My eyes stares in your eyes, my arms are in your arms...I have nothing of me in me. My talks are filled your talks, the nights are filled with your stories…why has it all becomes yours?

Wherever I go, I’m never far from you. There’s a silence of freedom in you, there’s a little secret notice from you. Can’t leave it even if I want to, I can’t break it if I want to...the way that I’m connected to you with my loyalty. I am what you made me, whatever I become is because of you. Roads meets, destinations are found because of you… nothing is gained, nothing is lost.

My day out with a good friend....

2008-08-05T22:08:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine is down...and we went out yesterday!!!after so long,she came back..so happy to see and she's back for good...starting her new job next month..but for now she's goin to enjoy herself...she looks different now..always smiling,always on the handphone...she one of a kind....

She so nice..always nice and she gave me a treat yesterday...we watched The Mummy with another friend!!! She's Kak Jess..all the way from sabah..with her friend that she came along with...Melanie...another new friend i met yesterday and she's also from sabah...nice girl...very preety too...i just met her yesterday and she actually gave me a treat too...so sweet!!!thanks mel....at last i met kak jess so call bf...his not that bad...oklah!!!boleh tahan...n i was also introduced to his friend...a malay guy..by the name of em...ABBY???WEIRD but a.k.a BRO....we were all talkin in the car..on the way bk....BRO...is really funny...good joker..and trust me he can sing..nice voice!!!he works in a hotel with kak jess bf...

we reached wangsa maju at 8..then went to makan in BRJ...had a cit cat, then send mel bk to M.utama.BRO drove us bk...and me too...with a white MYVI..will be seeing them again on THURSDAY...Ooooo...yeh,does thursday mean anything to u guys...CLUBBIN!!!here i come..at lastlah after so long...jangan jeolous gurls...
hahahahaha..lucky me....can't wait...thank you so much for the invitation kak jess...love ya

The truth is out...

2008-07-18T19:54:00.000-07:00

I can't take this anymore,i am so tired, i can't sleep..thinking about it everytime. i got to let it out..I admit it!2008,the number 8, and the year is not a good one for me!!!It is a bad year for me from the beginning till now,there are so many difficulties that i faced every single day...i screwed things up..FUCK

All i can think about the person that i have become..i have changed.Everytime i think about it, deep in my heart it hurts..everytime i think about it..i wanna cry!!!cry and cry till there's no more tears.

I feel the thorns in my heart, I feel failure, I feel unhappy, I feel so hurt, I feel that the world is going to end and i can't finish what i started..I feel uncontrolled, I feel like a loser, I feel so tressed out, I feel that i hate myself, I feel like killing myself for being such a FUCKING BITCH, I feel dissapointed..

I know i have to move on, and do the best i could.. it's just that i just can't!!!Its always about me...and the other probelms living in my head that i can't get reed off!!! I don't no how much longer i can take this all..its just too much...I have to stop pretending or else it gets even worst.Everytime when someone sees me,they ask me how's everything. What am i to say? OH! Evething's perfect..haha..great!!!of course i have to say that because thay have no idea how i screwed things up.I just losted faith and hope in myself.I'm so stupid,i'm such a failure..to make my parents and my sister proud of me..and ever since my sister went to study in UK, i felted so lonely..seeing my blood living and then seeing jillian,aly n angel..living me..was even harder.

To be honest..my sis and my babes know the true me!!! I'm the most sensitive person in the world. I'm very emo..trust me..VERY EMO!!! right guys???for twenty years of my life i never change..mayb a little but who sees it. Since i was born till now still growing up..im still FUCKING FAT.I have no discipline in myself to take the responsibility and courage to loose the weight.I never had a boyfriend, i never had my first kiss.To my beloved friends and sis, i am like so jeolous yet upset..because you guys have boyfriends and i don't, but you guys always say that my time will come and yes i believe that.i hope that i have all the support that you guys can give me so that i believe in myself.AKKA...at last you are coming back for good..can't wait to hug you, kiss and whack that juicy faty ass of yours...okok got to go...THE TRUTH IS OUT..IM RELIEVED!!! MAHALKITA GUYS...MUAXXXX

the one i miss the most...

2008-07-08T23:37:00.000-07:00

in my biggest picture was a photo of me and you..

you know i need you by my side and to come back home...

i can't be alone...and you be back soon, but that doesn't change anything because you will be gone again....

all i am..all i be...all my pasion...

in a thousand sensation...the debts of my soul...

i need you..with all my heart...

i want you right beside me...

i love you...

more pixx

2008-07-01T23:17:00.000-07:00

something i love the most...my beloved parents!!!

the beach that i walked on filled with pabbles not sand....

a lake that brings alot of memories n sacrifice...

a sunset that u can't imagine...

looking at earth...

the shadows of london...

pixxys..of my babes....

2008-07-01T22:14:00.000-07:00

and there were four...

me and aly.....

me and angeline......

me and jillian......

Im searching for answers...

2008-06-16T22:25:00.000-07:00

Im so curios..why is there so many bad things that happens in our life, why can't everything be perfect!!!, why is there so much trouble,pain and suffering?why why why? im not the only one in pain right now...i have friends who are going trough so much pain right now...look at aly!!!she doesn;t deserve this pain right now...knowing that her dad has cancer and she trying really hard to be strong..i know how that feels,i know aly...Nandito na ako para sayo[im here for you]!!!Mahalkita[i love u]...ok.I read your blog aly..n its awesome!!!i read it all the time when i go online...because i know that everytime you write something you follow your heart!!!and it makes me cry and emo because of the things you say... it shows the true you...to be honest you in inspire me in different ways..i may sound weird but im mean it k...i just don't say it out...

Besides that,about michell...she was so desperate to go to pd!!!she plan her trip like a month ago n we went last week...it was a trip not to be forgotten!!! We had a lot of ups and downs...everything went out of place...we even had no place to sleep the first night,,where as, we actually slept on the beach..lol!!!of all four of us,i was the one got bitten by red ants..OMG!!! Well its was so bloody cold..there were not even place for us to sleep..shaun never slept...he actually took care of us...to make sure we were save!!!how sweet..lucky us!!!tq shaun...we couldn't even sleep till 4 in the mornin....im sure whoever read this can imagine what we have experience. As usual, jillian had her bantal busuk..and we had nothing...i and mich was like fuckin turnin so many times to make sure that we got place to sleep...shaun was so bored and he decided to talk to a guy who was actually collecting worms and little crabs at the middle of the night...and then dalveen and adrian joined us just for awhile...about 2o minutes!!!big deal!!!we took pictures and laugh the hell out...we drank that night...but nevr got drank...then the next mornin...we went for a swim at the beach...

And my ball got lost...so sad:[!!! then floating back at the shore it when onto the deep blue sea!!!we got hit by the waves really badly...and we were shouting out ass out...i and shaun actually dranks the sea water..yukkkkk....finally at 1pm we got to check in at the marina world resort..and we all knock out!!!i woke up at 6pm and went for a swim in the pool alone because the others were sleeping like pigs...well what can i say...we never slept that night...and then later at nite...we went to makan at A-one...famous place!!!
and then we went to the so call biggest pasar malam in pd..bought more food..and headed back to the apartment...started drink..n yes i was high...so as mich!!!sje was talkin crap all the time..so as shaun..he did part time modeling with my goggles...lol...at the end it was an ok triplah...

My tagalog...love that language!!!

2008-06-11T00:29:00.000-07:00

Mabuhay...[welcome to my page]Ang sakit talaga ang puso ko..sana okay lang ako!!!kaseh merami ang terbaho ko...walang ang time para sa family ko or sa bebegan ko!!!miss miss kita ate...sana nandito na sha...para sakin!!!mahal mahalkita ate...

Now let me introduce myself...sabihin ang pangalan ko..roshene!!!tagalog ko..its not that great..pero im trying my best...paniwalin sakin...ang gustong sa tagalog...

Buhay ko!!!walang ang boyfriend..single na ako!!!innocent talaga na ako...lol. mandaling mahalin sa lelaki..he so guapo...pero he has a girlfriend...sakit talaga ang puso..sana nandito na sha, para sakin kaseh mahalko sha...actually not really mahal...meron gustong...em..sana okay lang tagalog ko..sana im not talking crap!!!actually i don't think i am...meron ba spelling mistakes,hehe!!!

sike sike..ma alis na ako...take care n merami salamat...peace!!!'',

Heart broken....

2008-06-04T19:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a day not to be forgotten, to much crying..to much scolding..to much advice,the advice that i should remember always till the last day of my life...the shockin news thats makes you fall down to the floor...i just can't imagine it!!i know that you are upset..thats even make me more upset!!! i never wanted any of this..i love u both so much..and what i have to do is to make u both happy!!! what the hell is wrong with me, why is so hard for me to do it..im such a trouble maker..i never do things right..why im i like this..it sucks,all i want is happiness not suffering!!!why can't i be better then that other person...y is it always me. i know the only happiness you have is both of us...then making it better im making it worst!!!i have too so change this different image in me..i have too or else its over..everything is so fuckin over!!!plz realize that..for christ sake....change yourself!!

My girls...

2008-05-29T00:19:00.000-07:00

About my girls...first i talk about angeline a.k.a angel...well she been tryin hard to loose weight n she did it...she been with gordon for almost 4years i think and its been goin strong!!!i wish her luck,besides that she's mine and also my friends future accountant, she has a bright future and many things ahead..i love u angel.

now jillian a.k.a tweety,gurl,photo gedik,amoi. Ok, there so many things to say about her...she's already 2o years old and still loves to collect her long time tweety birds...so much for growing up!!!now she workin..part time,at her uncle's office n tommorow she will be attending a walk in interview for air asia..good luck babe....u sooooooooo have to get it this time...she has been dating shaun for 4years,n its been awesome!!!i seen them together and its nice to see them as an example...i mean that k..i love uuuuuuuuu

n lastly alicia a.k.a aly..she is one of a kind!!!trust me she very good at advising people,when u need her there she there for u.. i think she the type that kindda solves your boyfriend issue,as in she know's how to do it..em i know her since kindergarden..she is my dancing kaki..so as jillian too. angeline is more to the singing kaki...red box,green box that sort of thing!!!aly's in a relationship, but i don't no much..even if i do i won't say it out!!! I love her so muchhhhhhhhhhh
and im sure she knows that right?

There so many different things that all 3 of them have, im going to miss all three of them..n things are goin to be better..i know it is...just wanna let u guys know that no metter what happens...im here for u guys,i love u all...and all the best.....muahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Dangerous situation

2008-05-28T20:07:00.000-07:00

Ok..im back..was kindda busy lately. Well im actually in a very dangerous situation right now coz i seriously need help!!! n yes great..my results is coming out TODAY!!! FUCKKKKKKKKK.....emmmmmmm i really don't no how im goin to do it....it was very very very difficult, i sort of had a hard time doin it...well im not the only one freakin out!!!im bestfriends are too...all i wish is that i really do well and make my parents and my sis proud of me...

only me...n what i feel right now!!!

2008-05-14T22:25:00.000-07:00

what shall i say about myself..well, i have ups and down that i have to face trought!!! To be honest im feeling very down,lonely n i need some time to think what i can do to settle this probelm. I feel like im so lost..and i can't find my way out...i have to go trought so many shit things,that i can't handle it myself..i need something that can help me and show me the way to face the probelm that im likely facing now!!! besides that, i missing my sister like hell. She's a thousand miles away from home..and when i need her around..she ain't here for me. All that i think can help me now, is that i have to have faith in myself and believe what i can do to change this situation that i am going trought..and believe that i have love ones beside me to guide me trought the positive way and also think positive and move on with life and not wanting to give up.